Joke Thread

[TexasAirCooler]

One night in the middle of the day, two dead boys came out to play. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise and came to kill those two dead boys. If you don't believe my lie is true, just ask the blind man he saw it too.

[TexasAirCooler]

"SHOP CLASS"

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt ?" the shop
teacher asked Judi, the only girl in the shop class during the first day
of school.

Judi pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't
rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'."

[drummerguy]

"What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?"

"Annette"

[TexasAirCooler]

THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
She told him there was no need for him to miss the fun. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new "action".

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would
have for his notorious behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what he had done. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... The guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one heck of a good time!"

[TexasAirCooler]

THE NERDS

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers near San Jose, California stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying:

"NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers
he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and
programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

[TexasAirCooler]

INDIAN ON A HORSE

A pretty girl is driving through the west.
Her car runs out of gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk.
Finally he drops her off with a final Yaaaaaaa Hooo and gallops off.
My god! says the gas station guy. "what the hell were you doing to that injun to make him holler like that?"
"Why, nothing," says the girl, "i just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn."
"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use saddles"!!

[BayBayJoel]

Hahahaha thats excellent Terry.

[TexasAirCooler]

THE ZOO

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and two feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along.

She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.

Now try lifting your dress up your thighs. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him you have a headache".